I Thought I Had Done all the Hard Stuff

I found out my baby might be born with some additional needs, man that was hard.

I sat there as a doctor delivered the news of a diagnosis, my heart broke and I thought can I do this? Can I be the mom she needs? In 2009 we almost lost our house, money was tight and I wanted to throw in the towel and walk away.

But piece by piece we rebuilt. 

But nothing prepared me for the fall of 2010……

The loss of my baby 😔 I had tried for over a year to get pregnant with our third baby. Nothing was happening then in September I found out we were expecting I was overjoyed seriously I cried. 

It was supposed to be a regular appointment my husband was with me we were so happy but then the unthinkable happened the doctor spoke words that are burned into my soul Ms. Burnett I can’t seem to find the heartbeat WHAT I felt pregnant all the signs still there, no bleeding, no cramping it was totally unexpected and my heart stopped. I could no longer hear the doctor’s words, he voices sounded far away. All my joy ripped from my heart.

I never knew you could love someone so deeply that you never got to meet. 

I fell into deep depression it was a dark season in my life, I became a very angry person and grieving the loss of my baby was and is the hardest thing I have ever done. 

Through my husband’s love and grace, I fought my way back. I asked him later how could you love me when I was so mean ( I took so much of my anger out on him) he said ” I knew you were hurting physically and emotionally, I hoped I could love you through it and I would get my wife back” I have never forgotten his unconditional love for me.

He loved me through my darkest days. 

October is infant and pregnancy loss month. Please lift those up around you who needed it most! Don’t be afraid to talk about loss, not talking about it does NOT make it less painful it simply makes you feel alone!